“I just want people to speak life into me!”, I heard her say.
What she really should have said was, “I don’t want anybody to say anything that makes me feel bad”, or “I only want to hear positive things about myself from others”.
That conversation and several others, at about the same time, gave me a very cynical view of the teaching on “speaking life into others”, because I saw people using that concept to insulate themselves from healthy criticism. (Yes - there is such a thing as “healthy criticism”)
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always believed that we are called to encourage people, and that our words are powerful to influence others. I have resisted the idea, however, that we are able to control others destiny (in some mystical fashion) by saying things positive or negative towards them. I believe that every one of us has to make choices about what we do with the words that others speak to us or about us. There are so many people who have chosen to believe the negative and reject the positive or vise-versa. When we see someone behaving negatively, we could accurately conclude that they’ve chosen to believe the negative words that others have spoken to them, and focus on that, or wonder why they haven’t believed the positive encouragement they’ve received. Almost everybody hears both positive and negative things in their lives and has to make choices about what to do with those words.
That having been said; God has been breaking through some of my cynicism in the last couple of weeks.
It started last Thursday evening in our church. We were having a week of revival meeting and Dave Miller was our speaker. He talked about the family unit and concluded the evening with a “non-optional invitation”. He asked each family to come to the front and speak blessings to each other. We were to start with the father blessing the mother, then parents blessing the children, and last, children blessing their siblings. What transpired over the next few minutes in our church was almost too holy to talk about. There was a spirit of brokenness and a heaviness of God’s presence that was too special to describe here.
God has really been working on me since then about how quick I am to criticize and how slow I am to bless others. Sunday morning was another very special time as we blessed each other in our church. I was intent on talking to a guy (in our church) that I’ve been really critical of the last while. I went to him and said that I want to bless him and then did exactly that, as God gave me the words to say to him. I didn’t have a speech prepared for him except that I knew I wanted to bless him and that I had asked God to give me the words when I got the chance. What I heard myself saying to him was, “I know we’ve disagreed on some stuff, but I trust that your heart is to build our church up and not tear it down and I bless you for that”. He thanked me through tears and we hugged each other and moved on. Several minutes later I had the opportunity to wash his feet as an expression of servant-hood and honoring him.
Since then, I’ve been much more intentional about speaking words of blessing to others and pointing out the things in their lives that I appreciate. I have a vision of this principle changing the atmosphere in our family in a positive way. I’ve seen several times that when we’re in one of “those moments” as a family; that the tone of our conversation can change completely as we begin to express appreciation for each other.
And so God continues to work on me and softens my heart towards my family and others. I understand that we are in a battle with evil forces that we can’t see. The enemy of our hearts is intent on speaking lies to us, and through us. I’ve seen how those lies will create doubt and confusion in our hearts. I’ve also discovered that these changes don’t happen easily and old habits die hard. I’ve been asking God to give me the words of life to say to others, because he knows exactly what’s going on in their hearts and what they need to hear.
I still react a little bit to some of the terminology and some of the ways that people use this concept in a self-serving way, but I’ve come to a fresh understanding of how God has called us to honor one another and bless each other with words of life. I know this makes you want to come live with me in our house. J - Sorry! I love you, but you need to be blessing those around you. It could make a difference!
